#Mexico

So I'm in Mexico right now and don't feel like doing anything. I love relaxing and this is my chance to be free from cares for a week before real life begins. Because what my life has been up to this point has only been a small fraction of what it's really going to be like. And I honestly don't know if I'm ready to be an adult. 

Blackout

A Haiku on Shoes

Glitter shiny plain

Shoes come in all sorts of ways 

Equality reigns 

The Mixture of Man and Nature

I look around and see the mixture of man and nature. 

The ducks swim in the man made pond. People stroll through the trees and grass. 

And the mixture of man and nature I see. 

So should there not be then a mutual relationship between the two? Yet we feel differently. 

We hold power and our hands hold destruction.

When we create we destroy.

We destroy to create.

Because we are the top of the food chain right? So we hold the power? 

But nature reigned first. There was life before us and the world had a beautiful system that could adapt and mold itself so perfectly. Time after time again.

But then we came. And the world can not adapt as quickly as we destroy. 

We CLAIM to own the world. We claim to own every leaf, mountain, lake. We buy property and claim to have a "right" to that piece of land and do as we please with it. 

Because we hold the power?

But the world doesn't need us. We need the world. We need the world as much as a baby depends on their mother. 

I look around and see the mixture of man and nature and there's not equality of power. There shouldn't be. Yet it's tipped to the wrong side of the scale. And if we are not careful there will be no more power to hold because of 

-------------------destruction----------------

On both sides.

We hold that destruction in our hands. Which is the only power we have and use. 

Dear Brooke....

Thump thump - Thump Thump - Thump Thump

Hey Brooke. Yeah, I'm talking to you. So you just need to chill for awhile ok? I mean you are not the only one that needs rest. It takes enough everyday for me to go...

Thump Thump - Thump Thump - Thump Thump

And here's the thing: I won't always be here for you. I'm essential for you. And I'm not just talking about giving you breath. I'm here for you THROUGHOUT life, in so many aspects. I'm here, ready to give you love, peace, joy, kindness. But when you ignore me I become sad, frustrated, angry, and so do you. 

Even beyond ignoring, sometimes life just happens. And it affects both of us, not just you. I'm here too. I'm here inside of you. 

Thump Thump - Thump Thump - Thump Thump

We only have a short time together. Like the sun that rises each morning, I bring light and life to you. I gave you love. 

But that sun must set each evening and one day we will part. 

And I hope with all of me that afterwards you will remember me and the lessons I taught you: how to show kindness, acting selfless, looking beyond a person's physical appearance, and most importantly (what this all encompasses): How to LOVE. 

But for now, open up to me and LEARN. 

Thump Thump - Thump Thump - Thump Thump

Love, 

your Heart

Why I Procrastinate

So yeah, hello again blog world. It's been a couple of weeks....you know I'm not going to pretend I didn't post anything for awhile because I was too busy. I mean, yeah it's been crazy but I could've occasionally got on my blog. But sometimes sleep, tv and readif a good book are just way too tempting for me. So I'm going to try "catching up" the next couple of days so get ready for a flood of posts from me. Hopefully something ends up being good....

                      Why I Procrastinate

1. I've had seniorites since at least 10th grade

2. I kindof need sleep to survive: my justification for naps

3.everybodys doing it

4. Why not?

5. Watching movies is so enticing

6. I'm a teen: lazy is part of my genetics

7. My dog keeps eating my homework: jk I don't even own a dog. It's really my cat.

8. Distract....hey

9. My mind likes to wander

10. I spend too much time thinking about what I'd rather be doing 

11. Can't figure it out

12. I missed a day of school = missing 3 days of hw. I think that's how the math works. I guess I would know if I did my math hw.

13. Denial

14. Track

15. I'm addicted to it

16. I've embraced it as part of me

17. Yolo

18. How is there enough time to do it all anyways

The Big Revelation?

The Big Revelation right?
Well maybe not for this blog, because it's not the best.
It's not the coolest
or the funniest
or the most unique and creative.
But it is MY blog. It is real for me.
You might even say it is a part of me.

My pen name might fool you
I am not always Sunnyside Up
I am just like you: I have my fantastically, out-of-a-dream kind of days
and I have the days that make me feel like I'm drowning in the smoke from hell.
That's life and I'm a part of it....
I know some of you will skim through this post just looking for a name to connect with the pen name but for those of you that are interested...

Here are 10 facts about me

(p.s. I was and am still not a very photogenic person)

1. I have a semi-secret obsession with monkeys.

2. I have been an aunt since I was 3 years old.

3. I love love love playing the violin! and have been playing it since 2nd grade

4. This is probably the most epic picture I have ever been in. Just saying.

5. I have two cats, one of which my friends claim to be a Satan cat

6. I have a twin brother. Yeah I know, some of you are surprised and had no idea. I get that a lot....

7. I pole vault: it's a work in progress

8. This is probably the best selfie I have ever taken

9. I love science: want to major in Microbiology

p.s. I'm a nerd and went to a two-week science camp at the University of Michigan last summer. Hence the picture above.

10. If you couldn't tell from the facts and photos above

I am NOT Sunnyside Up

I am Brooke James

Procrastination on Experimentation

Because I am a procrastinator I never did my experiment posts, so there's no reveal quite yet. But it will come some time later today. I decided to write a poem and post it because...well...I don't share this kind of stuff normally.

Mother and Daughter,
hand in hand
walked down the street
lined with charming boutiques

Shoes, dresses, and
dolls that were precious
shined in the eyes
of the daughter who cried

"I want the doll with the polka dot dress
  and the shoes that gleam in the sun"

The mother sat there and thought 

'Darling, why ask for these
when we sit here in freeze
wearing nothing but dirty old scraps'

But as she gazed at her daughter
whose eyes pleaded for dolls and shoes
her heart ached
throbbed
and felt it would break
if she did not buy the charming doll and gleaming shoes
for her little darling young daughter

But she knew
there was no way
for her to pay
for dolls and shoes

there was no way
for her to pay
for jackets and scarves

there was no way
for her to pay
for chocolates
scones
and ice cream cones

or for pieces of bread
milk
and eggs

or for a bed
her daughter could lay in

And as the mother looked at her daughter
her eyes filled with water
and she said
in a shivering voice

"We best be continuing on.
  The nights getting closer
  and soon it'll be colder.
  And we must find shelter tonight."

So
Mother and daughter,
hand in hand
walked down the street
lined with charming boutiques

The night came with a harsh wind
blowing and hissing 
and unforgiving
taunting the mother and her daughter
holding no doll
and wearing no shoes

That night was the harshest that winter
and through all that was bitter
the daughter dreamed of dolls and shoes
as her mother held her and cried
by her side

As morning came
the sun hid as if shamed
and the air
filled with its frost
pecked the cheeks of the
mother and daughter

The mother slowly awoke
and she crocked
when she noticed
and felt hopeless
that her darling stayed
forever asleep

When she gained her voice
she spoke her only thought of rejoice
and said

"In heaven, my darling,
 you can have dolls that are charming
 and shoes that are gleaming"

Then the mother realized
there were no more 
days of

Mother and Daughter 
hand in hand
walking down the street
lined with charming boutiques

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

This is one of my favorite poems and thought I'd share it

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening 

BY: ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.   

His house is in the village though;   

He will not see me stopping here   

To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   

To stop without a farmhouse near   

Between the woods and frozen lake   

The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   

To ask if there is some mistake.   

The only other sound’s the sweep   

Of easy wind and downy flake.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

 

This seemingly simple poem evolves from the traveler's momentary pause for rest into a contemplation of the allure of isolation and death. The woods and snowy evening portray the traveler's wishful sleep of death. However, the traveler reluctantly choose to continue the journey through the winter night in order to fulfill his many obligations. Perhaps this is the only thing keeping him from welcoming death. Whatever his responsibilities may be, they are important enough to cause him to fight the "darkest evening" of his life rather than accepting defeat.

 

I have miles to go before I sleep

 

 

This poem may seem dark and depressing, but I find hope. 

 

 

Drowning in Fear and Fear of Drowning

spiders
         being late to class
                                  choosing a college
                                                               dating
                                                                       spilling liquid on myself in the most awkward spots
                                                                                        large dogs
                                                                                                   participating in class discussions
                                                                                               death
                                                                                       pain
               darkness and the monsters that hide within it
this post and all my other posts
                                                  my older brother when he screams
                                                                                                          failure and success
                                                                                                                                         tight spaces
                                      becoming a homeless lady living on the streets of a large city
               animal attacks
drowning

My fears spiral and accumulate until they drown me from within 

I'm drowning

Drowning in fears that never stop accumulating
I am a coward and will always have fears
And same with everyone at school
down the street
on the otherside of the world

and possibly anywhere in the universe

 

Don't try to prove otherwise 

When life gets in a pickle

When life gets in a pickle
and nothing seems to go right

When your late to class for the...how many times has it been?
And your attendance school numbers keep rising

When you feel like hell
because you don't know if you have any true friends

When it sucks to go home
because there's too many problems your family has

When teachers just don't get it
that I can't remember everything or do it all

When it seems better to leave
than to endure another day here

Remember the sunsets

And sunrises

Remember the mountains that have yet to be climbed 

And the view at the top that awaits for your eyes to see 

Remember the times where you could not stop laughing

and your stomach hurt so much afterwards

and hope for some more times like this in the future

Remember when your friends or family gave you a hug

when words were not enough

Remember 

Remember

Remember

And hope that in the future there will be more to Remember

Great Expectations

My parents and other people

Have a lot of expectations for me 

I'm expected to graduate with a 4.0

Go to BYU and thrive there

Be the best at everything

And to do everything

    

 But.....

My grades suck right now
I can't decide on a college
I'm never the best at everything
I always fall short
And I can't seem to fit everything in

Sorry Mom
          Sorry Dad
                    Sorry Everyone

I'm a failure if what's expected of me defines success

The Reality of Life

Suicide

I hate that word so much. It fills my mind with images and thought that should never be imagined. When someone is so depressed with the world around them and with themselves that they want to abandon it all for a place that no one knows for sure what it's like...

that rips my heart.

I always think of what I could've done to help. What good could I have done for that person? Could I have made a difference?

Why am I so selfish and so self-absorbed?

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE NEXT LIFE WITH THAT PERSON?

They were seeking relief and I hope with all my heart that they finally found relief, hope,

Love.

We all need love.

Gosh all I can think about right now is Terik and all the other Terik's out there. All the people who didn't feel like it was worth it to live. Who feel they don't matter.

Everybody matters.

I wish I could let everyone know that they matter. But I can't. I can't. I can't. I want my friends to know how much I love and care for them.

This is the first time I've lost someone I knew to suicide. Even though I only knew him a little bit I still knew him. I saw him. I thought he was a pretty cool guy. I regret now not getting to know him better.

You can never know fully what a person is going through. I had no idea. I feel most of us are oblivious to these kinds of things.

OPEN UP YOUR EYES

Please. Please. Please.

I don't want this to happen again. I shouldn't. It can't.

But it will. I wish it wouldn't.

I hope I don't become a victim to suicide. I don't plan on it. But life always takes unexpected turns. I'll pray that I find relief in other ways. And I'll pray for all of you. I truly will.

God Be With You Til We Meet Again